You Can Never Go Back

Wow..I'm 40..the big four oh..over the hill..four zero..hmmm..
I never worried about my age..ever..I always lived by the motto, you are as old as you feel, and I always felt at least 20..and when I was 20 I felt at least 16...but now...it's hitting me. Forty...I can never go back. I don't know why I always felt like I could. You know the saying, "Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today?" I always lived by that. Now I procrastinate and put everything off and my whole life is passing me by. 15 years ago I wouldn't have done that.
I have a closet FULL of clothes and shoes that I have never worn except for a select few..and I see a pretty pair of shoes or an outfit and I buy it..and what for? I always say I will wear them eventually..or some day I want to do something with my life..get a job, go to school..yet it always gets pushed a little farther away in the future. Now I fear I am losing time.
Frank is in Kuwait and has been gone for 10 months and will be gone for 5 more months and I feel like I have lost so much time with him that I can never get back.
I was away for 9 years..time I could have spent with my family and I came back home and had only 2 years left with my dad before he died. Life is short! I would have much rather spent those 9 years with my dad than doing what I was doing and doing it with who I was doing it with..Ya know? So much time..gone..you can never go back..
It is New Years Eve 2008..my new years resolution is to live like there is no tomorrow..get it done! I'm going to wear those beautiful clothes..do something with my life instead of putting MY life on hold for someone else..that has been the story of my life..always thinking I had time to do what I wanted and putting my life on the back burner..everyone else always came before me..I guess that goes back to how I was raised. I was raised to never talk back or speak my opinion..I was always a pushover and put myself last. I would never be confrontational to the point of me getting MY way..maybe it's time.. cause you can never go back..